I'm way past asking permission

apokalypse-wow:

• The opening credits: “Cinematography: Blind Al” “Written by: The real villains”
  
• Negasonic Teenage Warhead and Yukio being cute lesbians
  
• Wade telling Vanessa the reason he was late is that he was fighting a supervillain but then suddenly realised his mom’s name was also Martha
  
• Yukio and Deadpool’s super sweet friendship
  
• “Dubstep never dies”
  
• Wade getting Cable to prove he’s from the future by asking him what the most recent Sharknado film is
• Colossus’s proud face when Deadpool copies his ‘four or five moments’ speech
  
• Negasonic Teenage Warhead’s middle finger when Deadpool copies the ‘four or five moments’ speech
  
• Deadpool ending said speech by shooting a paedophile in the head
  
• Deadpool telling his team that if everything goes to plan there’ll be no need for a third act
  
• The little news clip with the rolling headlines underneath talking about actors who turned down roles in Deadpool 2
  
• Dopinder comparing himself to Kirsten Dunst
  
• Russell calling the superhero industry discriminatory because you don’t see any plus-size superheroes
  
• ‘Black Black Widow’
  
• Every single time Deadpool breaks the fourth wall
  
• Wade’s musical Logan figurine
  
• The James Bond style opening
  
• “Don’t fuck Elvis” “Don’t fuck Colossus”
  
• Deadpool grabbing Colossus’s ass after hugging him
  
• Wade referring to Cable as having a “winter soldier arm”
  
• The Basic Instinct parody scene
  
• Wade actually having stashed the cure for blindness under the floorboards next to some cocaine
  
• Wade gently singing ‘Do you want to build a snowman?’ to Weasel
  
• Weasel stopping Cable mid-monologue to tell him everything he knows without even being tortured
  
• “Who are you?” “I’m Batman.”
  
• Russell repeatedly standing up to the biggest guy in prison and repeatedly getting punched in the face
  
• Terry Crews!
  
• Deadpool making fun of the CGI fight between Colossus and Juggernaut
  
• “I want our kid to be a boy. Or a girl. Definitely one or the other.”
  
• Deadpool wearing a stripper outfit and wig on top of his supersuit
  
• Domino and Deadpool politely debating whether or not luck is a superpower
  
• Wade complaining that without super powers he’s basically Hawkeye
  
• The scene where Domino really needs a bus and one just crashes through the wall
  
• Domino’s powers in general
  
• Deadpool calling Josh Brolin ‘Thanos’
  
• The X-Men cameo
  
• The Brad Pitt Cameo
  
• The original Deadpool cameo
  
• “So dark. You’re sure you’re not from the DC universe?”
  
• Deadpool listing his favourite comic issues featuring Juggernaut while Juggernaut picks him up and throws him on a cast iron spiked fence
  
• Deadpool shooting Ryan Reynolds in the head to stop him playing Green Lantern
  
• “We’re gonna form a super duper fucking group: we need them tough, morally flexible and young enough to carry a franchise for 10-12 years.”
  
• Wade signing the mutant kid’s cereal box as Ryan Reynolds
  
• Wade pretending he can use Cerebro to see the future
  
• Wade: “He’s standing right behind you, isn’t he?”
  
• Negasonic Teenage Warhead accusing Deapool of being homophobic
  
• Deadpool accusing everyone else of being racist
  
• Deadpool making Cable promise not to judge people by the colour of their skin, but by the content of their character
  
• Deadpool calling the X-Men “an outdated 60s allegory for racism”
  
• Deadpool’s X-Man in training T-shirt
  
• Everyone correcting Deadpool when he calls himself an X-Man, reminding him he is only a trainee
  
• Russell’s pen (hidden in his prison wallet)
  
• Wade’s look of mild annoyance as he’s stabbed through the hand with Russell’s pen
• Deadpool using that guy’s loincloth to wipe blood out of his eye
• Cable telling Deadpool he reminds him of his wife
  
• Wade using his own arm as a garrotte to strangle Cable with
  
• Wade wanting to find a planet full of aliens who are worse than humans, so that he can go and be Superman to them
  
• Dopinder killing a paedophile with his taxi